beldaran:

This newest episode of Steven Universe was perhaps the best one in terms of lessons for kids (and adults) so far. BOTH episodes featuring Kevin have been, but this one in a very healing way.

Steven and Connie recognize that Kevin violated their boundaries when they were Stevonnie, and they are understandably upset. The first amazing thing that this episode does is show that people express anger and hurt differently. Just because Connie wasn’t as passionately vocal about her upset, doesn’t mean it didn’t affect her.

Steven and Connie both express things they want from Kevin to help them feel better after what he did to them, things they felt they needed to recover from how he violated their boundaries at the dance. They want him to hear what they have to say, they want to make him think, they want him to feel guilt or remorse or shame. They essentially put their health, their recovery, under the control of the person who hurt them in the first place; the one person they should absolutely not under any circumstances trust with that power.

Kevin uses that power to needle them from the moment they’re around him again. And please do notice that Kevin does not care that they are children. Even knowing that they are young, he still treats them badly, tries to get their attention, even flirts with them in a very mocking and uncomfortable way.

And THEN, the wonderful thing, the thing that I am constantly telling abuse survivors, was communicated in a childrens’ cartoon:

You should never, ever place your recovery in your abuser’s hands in any way, shape, or form. It is not safe to trust them with that power, they will only use it to hurt you further.

Setting goals for your recovery that include needing something from your abuser is not safe. Being heard by them, them feeling remorse, them offering an apology, a change in their behavior, admission of their guilt or wrongdoing; NONE of these things are things that you can depend on abusers to give. Even if it feels like it’s needed, even if it feels like you’ll never get over what happpened without these things, it’s not safe, it’s not healthy, and it’s not not necessary.

The next extremely important thing this episode showed (in a simplistic way) is that that recovery is possible without getting anything from the offender. Without involving the person who hurt you at all. That’s a beautiful message to put in a kids’ show, and I’m so happy.

The vast majority of abuse survivors struggle with this, it’s extremely difficult for people to come to this realization and to withdraw that last bit of power from the people who hurt them. The idea that kids could learn something like this at a young age is incredibly important to me.

Thank you Crewniverse, and thank you @rebeccasugar so, so much.