autismserenity:

defeatthepeace:

mbtipartyblog:

The Only Child:

  • has actually talked to their parents more than once
  • i mean, i imagine you’d kinda have to unless you get friends
  • probably has considered running away on multiple occasions, hell even if their parents are chill it’d at least be interesting
  • will probably go wild in college. Either that or just…carry on.
  • all around fascinating human being 

The First Born:

  • Elsa probably
  • Their internal monologue is just screaming
  • So filtered that no one knows what they actually think of them
  • genuinely good at things, but since they’re the first kid, they set the standard and they get stuck in this loop of believing they’ll never be good enough even though they’re /more/ than competent
  • can’t straight up tell people that they dislike them

The Middle Child:

  • Literally Can’t Do Anything Right
  • The only member of the family who’s allowed to make Mistakes
  • hates conflict but is simultaneously really fucking confrontational
  • Hasn’t felt an emotion other than :~) in three years
  • crafts their personality into a complete joke in anticipation of no one taking them seriously, living in a constant state of uncertainty as to whether or not their actions are genuinely ironic

The Second Child-A:

  • Type-A Personality
  • The list of things they’ve never done reads: “Gotten Less than a 96%, Fallen, Made a Fool of themselves In Public, etc.”
  • Superhuman
  • Seems suspiciously like the kind of person who reminds the teacher to give homework because they need to keep their 140% in Bio.
  • They don’t even need to be part of your family, they’ll still be your mom’s favorite child– you’re not even jealous, you’re just like “Same”. 

The Second Child-T:

  • *the impossible dream plays softly from a distance*
  • like the Middle Child but engineered to be Better,
  • making it twice as devastating when they inevitably ruin everything    
  • probably believes they’ve accidentally wronged the universe on some personal level and lives their life overcompensating for something they did when they were like 9-years-old
  • has been fixated on the same goal for the past 7 years

The Youngest of Three: 

  • The Only Good One
  • is aware of that fact
  • has their life together, drinks more water than you will in your entire life, runs a twitter with more than 40k followers, and is only 8-years-old
  • cried for like three hours because they couldn’t draw a sunflower 
  • so many friends, they all just kinda blur together 

The Youngest in a Line of Many:

  • has all of the talent. 
  • If your lucky, some of their talent will rub off on you.
  • also has all of the independence, and could probably beat you in an argument at any time of the day regardless of who’s right
  • Sometimes they’re like “I had to fistfight my brother for a sandwich once” and you think they’re joking around
  • they’re not joking around

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IS THE MOST ACCURATE THING EVER WRITTEN WHAT THE HECK

I’m not only the first born, but the first born among us grandkids, and I cosign this

here is something i think people don’t understand, when they get all pearl-clutchy about nazis getting punched:

dispatchrabbi:

pipistrellus:

priorwaltering:

we – and by this i mean ‘people targeted by nazis’, but mostly jews, because i am a jew and that’s where my experience lies – we did not want to end up in a scenario where the highlight of our day could be some guy getting punched. in fact, that’s kind of ghoulish.

like, ok. i am pretty much the worst kind of bleeding-heart, dyed-in-the-wool pacifist you will ever meet, when circumstances allow me to be. i don’t, personally, want to kill nazis; i just want nazis to stop being nazis. ideally, the world would work like it did in my 10-year-old fantasies, where i could walk up to a nazi and be like “jews are people,” and he would be like “holy shit!!! mind blown” and stop being a nazi and we’d sit down and have a deep philosophical discussion.

but real nazis have this unfortunate, terrifying habit of continuing to be nazis. when you hit them with intellectual debate, or reason, or “tolerance”, or “just giving them a chance”, or “compromise”, or any of that shit. they continue to be nazis, which means they still want to wipe out me and my people, and many other swathes of people as well.

which is why i understand people who want to kill nazis. or, in a milder variation, punch them.

i wish they would stop being nazis but they wish i would die. when you, historically, adhere to an ideology that advocates mass murder past the point of any nonviolent resistance, you have forfeited your right to a fair debate. you have forfeited your right to any response but self-defense that is as violent as whatever you make necessary.

nazis forfeited their right to nice counter-tactics long ago, and jews know this.

there’s another reason, too, why i whooped at that video. not because someone was getting hurt – don’t be dense. as i said, that’s ghoulish. we did not want to end up with our livelihood as a people so threatened that violent self-defense makes us cheer. can you think about that for a second? can you think about the kind of corner we’re backed into, here? it’s not a natural state of being. it’s a place where most people, as far as we can tell, truly do not give a shit if we live or die, because they’re talking about “tolerating” people whose ideology involves straight-up killing us. and so if we see somebody punch a nazi, it’s evidence: that person in the black mask, they’re on my side.

there is one person who recognizes the nazi as a mortal threat, which means they recognize that jews are people. that people of color are people. that any of the groups threatened by nazis deserve to have their fear recognized.

and every time you, a moderate liberal, a white goy, wring your hands about a nazi getting punched, about violent tactics, about fighting hate with hate, you push us further and further into the corner where we have to cheer at that. it’s sheer relief, at somebody recognizing the terror enough to punch back.

so no, we weren’t born bloodthirsty, just salivating at the chance to kick a nazi in the balls. we got driven here reluctantly, by history, to a place where violence in our defense can make us weep with gratitude. you drove us here.

“we got driven here reluctantly, by history, to a place where violence in our defense can make us weep with gratitude” !!!!!!!!!

Important context to the idea of cheering on a guy who punched a nazi.

objectdreams:

5-star amazon review of a fire extinguisher

written using a predictive text interface

source: hundreds of amazon reviews for fire extinguishers

transcript:

Keep reading

the way tumblr works with the captions at the bottom sucks because i get nearly the whole way through a post like this and cant figure out if im
a) not clever enough to get the satire
b) not cool enough to get the meme
c) having a stroke

here’s what i don’t get

jumpingjacktrash:

for the better part of a century, nazis have been this almost cartoonish symbol of evil. i’ve seen film critics complaining about how it’s lazy to use nazis as the baddies in your movie, because it creates too simple a moral dichotomy – might as well use zombies or aliens, for all anyone cares about nazis getting mowed down by the dozens. nazis are so bad that comparing anyone to them was seen as really over-the-top, heavy-handed rhetoric.

and then suddenly, the president-elect is appointing literal real life nazis to his cabinet, and the media is like “well maybe this is the new normal” – fucking what?

“and for secretary of state, i’m appointing pyramid head jones, who enjoys chopping up nurses with a giant cleaver, let’s give him a round of applause” “yeah ok that sounds legit”

“please welcome our future budget minister, skeletor!” “sure no problem”

“surgeon general mola ram will now take questions from the press” “sir does the blood of kali really cure all diseases?” “drink it and you will feel no mortal pain” “wow, this is way better than obamacare!”

seriously how the fuck is anyone acting like this is normal??? FUCKING HYDRA IS MOVING INTO THE WHITE HOUSE THIS IS NOT POLITICS THIS IS THE INTRO TO AN 80′S ACTION MOVIE.

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

A kid at work has decided that they don’t want to play with the kitchen set, and don’t want to play Barbies, but would instead rather take the them-sized stove and the Barbie-sized stove and pretend that they’re mommy and baby stoves.

The baby stove is currently at stove school, which is for stoves.

The mommy stove is at work, and apparently makes soup for a living, which I know because this kid is has been chanting, “I MAKE SOUP AND I DO IT ALL DAY / EVERY SINGLE SOUP SECOND, EVERY SINGLE SOUP WAY,” louder and louder and higher and higher to the point where it’s now either being sung by the world’s loudest mouse or the world’s most out-of-breath six-year-old.