but please, but please, have you all even SEEN this classic, this work of transcendent Aesthetic , this fashion statement of statements, this 95 Theses nailed upon the door of the church of JESUS CHRIST WHERE DO I BUY THAT OUTFIT, this late 90s pop country jam that dares to ask the question, “what DO you wear in the desert as you reject a bevy of beautiful identical men??? what is the Leopard Print Vibe you ought to have during that part in a country song where you just stop singing?” you’re just saying words, Shania. you’re just speaking. these men aren’t good enough for you to sing at them. they can’t even keep you warm in the middle of the night, why the fuck should you waste a bar on them. where did you get your hat box and can I have it. please. let me impress you much.
Guys who complain about the friendzone often don’t care about their female friends’ personal boundaries, forcing their female friends build more walls up. A good cartoon.
– submitted by Gene
why is he tearing down a wall with an axe
i hate it when your put in the friendzone and made to tear down a wall
Mr. Gorbachev…tear down this friendzone
how you gonna draw some shit that makes you look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining and still feel like you’re the victim
I DON’T *CHOP* UNDERSTAND *CHOP* WHY *CHOP* YOU CAN’T *CHOP* JUST *CHOP* LET ME *CHOP* BONE YOU *CHOP* ON AN INDEFINITE *CHOP* EXCLUSIVE *CHOP* BASIS *CHOP* WHEN *CHOP* I’M *CHOP* SO *CHOP* NIIIIIIIIIIIICE *CHOP*
“I’m going to wall you up now, Fortunato.”
“Ha ha, and then what? 😉 ”
“For the love of God, Montresor!” -Cask of Amontifriendzone, Edgar Allan Poe
Incessantly, I heard a smacking, as of some entitled dipshit whacking, whacking on my chamber door.
Resignedly, I placed another layer, voicing a quiet, repeated prayer, “This dude thinks he’s a player, but I am not a point to score, he should fuck off and bother me no more.”
Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”
– The Craven, by Edward Allen Bro
edgar allen bro
Oh my god
holy shit
“Nice guy!” said I, “Total dildo–nice guy still if nerd or dudebro, Whether reddit sent, or whether romcoms tossed thee here ashore, Barely known yet still entitled, holding now your Tom Waits vinyl, Begging me for something primal, tell me truly, I implore Is this–is this shit for fucking real? Tell me, tell me, I implore! Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”
“Nice guy!” said I, “Total dildo–nice guy still if nerd or dudebro, By the mores that you abuse thus, by those films we both adore, Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, by stalking me through Facebook, You have gained a twisted outlook of whom those tropes are for, Paint a rare and radiant dream girl whilst you remain a bore, Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”
“Be that slur our sign of parting, creep or douche!” I shrieked, upstarting, “Get thee back to lonely anguish and your friend’s used comic store! Leave no white rose as a token of the lust you claim heartbroken, Leave my scathing words to soak in! Quit the name calling of ‘whore’, When you lust for every girl, but when they say nay they are whores! Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”
And the friendzoned, never scoring, still imploring, still imploring, On some fetid old subreddit for a girl who will adore The nicer guys and not the “douchebags”, unaware that it’s a red flag To be his soulmate o’er him learning they both like the movie Thor To fuck him for being nerdy even though he is a bore, Then she says no–fucking whore.
that internal rhyme scheme is a fucking master class
It’s honestly so fucked up that I have to worry in leftist spaces that talking about rehabilitative justice will lose me friends.
In 2010 I took a class called Terrorism in the Modern World, which was one of the best classes I’ve ever taken. We learned all about the causes and cyclical effects of terrorism, about why people get seduced by dangerous worldviews, about how we cannot possibly offer more than palliative solutions until we reckon with the task of trying to understand them. About how futile America’s endless escalations have been. It was awesome.
The following year, when Osama bin Laden was killed, all my liberal friends joined me in reminding the world that he might have done terrible evil, but he was still a human being. We huddled together to grin smugly about how much more empathetic we were than those evil hawkish conservatives. Not that I endorse that, but we were 18. Point is, at the time we construed liberalism, and leftism more broadly, as an explicit rejection of the vengeful, punitive ethic that was blanketing our world. And I know we were not alone in that. Liberals around me talked about prison reform, about transitions from criminal dysfunction back to a productive life, about reaching out to the people who were hardest to reach. I was, at that time, proud to call myself a bleeding-heart liberal.
And now I’m seeing them, the very same leftists who joined me in calling for empathy with our enemies, posting endless diatribes against those they deem too far gone for any kind of understanding. The same people who stood up in a sea of patriotic zeal and reminded us that terrorists were real human beings with motivations beyond mustache-twirling villainy are the people I see calling Trump supporters garbage, calling them worthless, calling any attempt to understand them “collusion with the oppressor”. I’m over here advocating the same exact outreach I’ve advocated all my life, the same outreach you once praised me for, but now because it’s your pet enemy I’m evil and weak and awful for it.
These were once my people, and now I don’t recognize them. I’m horrified to see them acting exactly like post-9/11 nationalist zealots, dismissing any attempt at understanding or empathy as spineless, as cowardly, as oppressive. You think I haven’t heard this all before? I’ve heard it all my life. I was a child when 9/11 happened. I don’t remember a United States not at war in the Middle East. My whole life I’ve been a pacifist, raised by pacifist parents in a pacifist community, and my whole life I’ve heard that trying to understand and reach out to your enemy instead of fucking annihilating them was weak and cowardly and siding with the terrorists. The difference is that I once had the left on my side.
Your principles do not cease to apply when it’s your pet enemy on the chopping block. Believe it or not, people who got cruel and hawkish in the face of terrorism were exactly as scared and powerless-feeling as you are now. They weren’t spouting martial rhetoric out of pure evil – there was real fear there, but they let it make them into hateful people with no sense of empathy or common humanity. Like hell I’m going to let that happen to people I once called mine.
Pretty much this. The underlying problem with the people who think their enemies should suffer isn’t that they have the wrong enemies.
This article has been around for a while, and we are now embroiled in the issue its author warned us about over two years ago. It essentially posits that it is in the nature of human beings to identify an “outgroup”, a group of people who are The Enemy and who are wrong and bad about everything and deserve bad things to happen to them. However, the temperament of the modern left is such that people who live far away and have a very different way of life are no longer identified as the outgroup, in large part because they are too far away for most people to clearly visualize. Instead, the outgroup becomes people that are closer to home and are part of the same culture, but have very different political and social views. The article ruthlessly breaks down the social and psychological factors that have led to our current atmosphere of hyper-partisanship. Very much worth a read if you want to better understand what’s going on.
every other day i must drag my body past these horrifying fruit effigies the next door produce shop has put up in an effort to deter the harvest god from taking back the seasons fruit. again and again i must look into their wild eyes, see their many gnashing teeth and shudder – the apples inside remains fresh and crisp, but at what cost
callanswall 