Author: Goldpanner

goddessofcheese:

brofligate:

did-you-kno:

Source

There is literally nothing better than a sexy, badass lady.

CHING MOTHERFUCKING SHIH

This lady was such a badass, I can’t count the ways, but let’s try.

She got married to an already successful pirate, Zheng Yi, and took over when he died. She was crazy strict to keep an iron fist over her fleet of pirates, and the punishments for stepping out of line were brutal. If you stole or looted from a town that provided assistance or tribute to the pirate fleet, Ching would chop your fucking head off with a battle axe and dump your lifeless body in the ocean.  If you stole from the pirate treasury, or she thought you were stealing from the pirate treasury, Ching would chop your fucking head off dump your lifeless body in the ocean.  Raping any captured female prisoners was punishable by immediate death.  Fuck, if you had consensual sex while on duty you got your head chopped off and the woman was chucked off the boat no matter where they were at.  Ching wasn’t fucking around, and she wanted to make damn sure you weren’t fucking around when you should have been working.

Two years after she took over, she got so notorious for ransacking towns and taking taxes on them that she pissed off the entire Chinese government, and sent out a massive fleet to bring her in line. Most pirates probably would’ve said this was out of their pay grade and taken off to hide out or ransack some other country.

Ching Shih said fuck that.

She not only faced them head on, she wiped the floor with them, killing hundreds and capturing sixty-something ships from the Imperial Fleet. Prisoners were given the choice of joining up or being executed on the spot. The Admiral of the Chinese navy, Kwo Lang, was so afraid of being captured by her or going back to admit he’d been beaten by her that he committed suicide.

For the next two years, Ching Shih not only kept on pirating, she fought off Chinese forces as well as Dutch and British warships that the navy called in to help. Finally the government gave up and offered her amnesty as well as amnesty for her then SEVENTEEN THOUSAND crewman. Ching Shih got to keep all her plunder, so she retired to the countryside where she opened up a brothel and lived until she was 69.

tldr: I’ve come to terms with the reality that I’ll never be as terrifyingly badass as this woman was.

To the girls who say they want a nice guy.

maybeitspms:

chronicalsofanerd:

maybeitspms:

chronicalsofanerd:

Shut the fuck up. All us nice guys stuck in fucking friendzone know what you really want is some asshole to complain about to us. GTFO. We’re tired of it.

You sound super nice. I don’t know why no one wants to date you.

What a mystery.

I’ve had a bad day ok. I’ve pretty much given this girl, who I’m really close with, my heart and she shoots me down and starts telling me about all the guy problems. It just really fucking hurts and I felt here would be a better place to vent then some of my other options.

You know what? I know what it feels like to rejected. It fucking sucks and a lot of people are able to relate to what you’re feeling. You know what else I know? I know what it feels like to build a friendship with a guy. A guy that was nice and treated me like a human being instead of walking vagina he wants to fuck. I know what it’s like to become friends with a guy like this and slowly start to trust him. Slowly we build a really meaningful relationship and I let my guard down and I start to show him vulnerable parts of myself. I start to share my fears and weaknesses with him. I start relying on this important person in my life for support when I find out that I’m being dicked around by another guy who only sees me as a walking vagina he wants to fuck. And then this guy that I really care about tells me that he has feelings for me and when I tell him that  I don’t feel the same way, he turns around and calls me a bitch. He says I friendzoned him and he goes on some social networking site and starts blasting me and all of his friends are like “wow what a bitch. She doesn’t know what she’s missing” and he gets to pity himself and feel validated. I, on the other hand, am left with the realization that my friendship, that this closeness we shared didn’t mean jack shit. That this guy I trusted didn’t care enough about me as a person to not turn on me the second he found out I wouldn’t date/have sex with him. Suddenly, I’m feeling this whole time, everything I thought we had, was only as important to him as his chances to get in my pants. And let me tell you, that hurts way more than rejection. 

Here’s the thing, buddy. You’re not just one guy who’s having a bad day because you had your heart broken. Browse the friend zone tag. You’re just one of the many guys that post things like  pictures that say “when a girl starts telling you about her problems, she’s not complaining. It means she trust you” and the caption says “Aaaannnd you’ve been friendzoned”  like having a platonic, meaningful relationship with a woman is just THE WORST FUCKING THING EVER. Do you know how shitty it feels to know that your friendship and your trust is so fucking undesirable that there’s a goddamn meme about it? Do you know how shitty it feels to know that your guy friends only care you as long as they can hold on to the possibility of one day fucking you? Do you know how infuriating it is to know that that guy, that asshole who made you think he cared about you as a person, gets to flame you for daring to not be attracted to him? Because if you don’t know what that feels like, let me tell you that you’re not the one who got the shit end of the deal.