Author: Goldpanner

fatbodypolitics:

khaleesiofmanhattan:

strawberrytop007:

hyperwolf:

livelife-havefun-partyhard:

Parrot caught singing let the bodies hit the floor

I was so done when it whispered…I would shit bricks if I heard that when I got up to get a drink in the middle of the night…

“Let the bodies hit the….FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!”

I got to about 44 seconds and then I had to stop because I’m genuinely no exaggeration weeping with laughter I don’t even know why please everybody watch this right now.

This is the stuff of nightmares. Hilarious nightmares.

ambrister:

ignotae:

northstarfan:

betterbemeta:

This tea is awful. It’s fucking disgusting. Don’t believe that lazy shit idyllic pastoral landscape on the goddamn cardboard box. It’s a damn lie and if you drink this tea you’ll know the heart of minty darkness

Like OK I appreciate that it tries to prepare you for whats inside by a cute picture on the box. Fresh green mint leaves, and some candy cane sticks to get you in that shitty assfaced Christmas mood. Look it’s even tied with a repugnant little red bow. fuck this tea.

So if you open the box and immediately steep a cup prepare to get one of those cute lil candy canes up your FUCKING NOSE and in your FUCKING EYES because this shit doesn’t know personal space in the same way a demon from hell doesn’t know a loving God.

I hope you like drinking your throat lozenges because here’s a blistering stream an actual menthol golem would piss down your fucking throat while you gag on its candy-striped wiener. 

So you lock this shit in a box for 3 months while you recover from the worst toothpaste-flavored blowjob of your life and maybe get yourself together again. You recover. You move on. Things are looking pretty up and you think back, well maybe that godforsaken tea didn’t really taste like a peppermint Siberia. So you make a cup like the foolish piece of shit you are

and you’re right, but so wrong about the character and nature of your mistake you might as well star in Greek tragedy. You pathetic bag of bollocks.

because in the months its been locked in a top-shelf tomb the life and vehement mint-based hatred for the physical world has withered and desiccated out of its soulless teabag husks.

Now what you have got in your fucking unfortunate mug is a hot steaming cup of fuck you that tastes like the inside of the birch tree on the fucking box, or maybe Santa’s tears mixed with mummy dust, or midwinter leaf litter a vaguely minty dog only rolled in once.

The aftertaste stinks of wax. Why wax? Because it wants to remind you that you’re the kid who ate birthday candles in first grade, that’s why. And every single other bad decision you now regret.

fuck this tea. fuck it, it tastes like a hollow  mannequin of a tea, hot leaf swill unfit to fertilize even fake fucking flowers.Maybe you could tan leather in it. I don’t fucking know but get it away from me and the human race. Fucking shoot it at the moon where it belongs with all of the other celestial fucking seasonings. fuck

This rant can be applied to about 50% of Celestial Seasonings’ teas, btw.

I read this out loud to my roommate and at the fifth paragraph I had to take a breather because I was laughing too hard to talk

That was a wild ride

BBC Radio 4 – The Film Programme, A tour of the British Isles in accents

allthingslinguistic:

A dialect coach, Andrew Jack, gives a tour of the accents of the British Isles.

This is a really neat example of various British accents, especially since they’re all done by the same person so you can really concentrate on the accent features. To my Canadian ears, it sounded pretty accurate, and I’d assume the BBC would know what they’re doing, but I’d be interested to hear from anyone with one of these accents for how well you think it’s done.

Another, broader example is Amy Walker’s 21 Accents video, although as a Canadian I do have to point out that her Canadian accent is representative of only a very particular subset of Canadians. 

BBC Radio 4 – The Film Programme, A tour of the British Isles in accents