How hard is it to program a metal box that moves in a straight line
holy shit bethesda games must have the worst spaghetti code known to man
Bethesda’s games are run on the worst spaghetti code known to man. That hodge-podge engine has been mummified and dying since 2008.
2008? Try 2002. They’ve been repurposing the Gamebryo engine since Morrowind.
I don’t know for a fact that Fo3 and New Vegas have this problem, but I’d put money on it having the same water filter glitch that Oblivion and Skyrim have – Where you fanangle the camera right on the water line and it lets you see underwater clearly? This is how you know Bethesda’s claims of ‘building a new engine from the ground up’ for each new game aren’t quite true: That same glitch has been present and unfixed SINCE MORROWIND.
The reason why bushead up here works the way he works can all be pointed back to the fact that Morrowind’s engine, with Morrowind being the first open-world 3D game Bethesda ever attempted, was a hot mess even by 2002 standards. Morrowind did not have ANY movable objects other than creatures and NPC’s (placing items down just created a static object in that location), and the collision was somehow still garbage – You’d just fall through the ground when encountering too many objects at too large a size, as anyone who’s ever been to Vivec City can account for. Objects (and NPC’s, for that matter) having actual physics was a feature that’s not native to the engine, but rather, was tacked on for Oblivion.
So because of that, there are certain things that are either not possible or are very difficult for the zombified, stapled together Gamebryo corpse to handle, and making the collision system not lose it’s shit when statics are told to slide vertically along a set path is one of them. Doing backend nonsense like creating an invincible, inaccessible NPC wearing a bus as a hat is actually the easiest and least taxing solution, because NPC’s have pathfinding skills and easily modifiable stats (like speed, for instance) already programmed in.
I was shocked at how the opening of Skyrim actually (gasp) has you sitting on a moving horsebound cart, but if you’re someone who’s played through that opening sequence more than two or three times, you’re still likely to have encountered this very scripted opening glitching like this, despite, theoretically, the worldstate of the game being 100% clean of any modifications or player interactions that could have fucked with the collision on the cart or the pathfinding of the horses.
so… on google maps street view there’s no official camera footage of the destroyed areas of centralia, pennsylvania (the town that was inspiration for silent hill because of its horrible underground mine fire that caused most residents to relocate and all the real estate to be condemned) because the highway is, like, destroyed, but there are user-uploaded photos from parts of the destroyed highway anyway, including the significant amount of graffiti written on the ground itself. anyway with no further commentary:
I went running a little later than usual this morning, which means I caught the sunrise; sunrises are nice and all, but sunrise is way cooler reflected in the faces of the buildings on Michigan Avenue.
And then I punched a pigeon in the face. Possibly to death. I’m not feeling good about it.
I was on the return leg, near the CSO, and there was a homeless dude to my right and some pigeons to my left up ahead. I was just running along, mostly thinking unflattering thoughts about Coldplay and why they had to make Viva la Vida so very long, when I startled the pigeons and they took off.
And you know, sometimes when you startle a bird they fly straight towards you.
So I startled too and ducked right, but as I ducked right, my left foot came forward and both my hands came up to block. And because my left foot was forward, right arm was blocking, and my left arm was already raised, I just like….instinctively threw what I have to admit was a frankly amazing left hook.
I didn’t mean to. It just happened. It’s probably the most beautiful punch of my life (not difficult, I haven’t punched much) and I socked that pigeon right in its poor tiny face.
Feathers went everywhere (including up my nose, oh my god) and I stopped and did like a weird hop-turn thing to slow my momentum, and what I saw was just freaked out birds and a cloud of feathers and homeless dude losing his shit laughing.
And I didn’t know what to do, I don’t know what one does when you’ve just punched a bird probably to death. I couldn’t even see a body. Did I vaporize the bird?
So I looked at the settling feathers and I looked at the homeless dude, who started laughing all over again, and I turned around and legged it (Viva la Vida was still playing).
So IDK if I can trust any pace I set this morning, because man is inherently destructive and eternally at odds with nature.
But I did 1.93 in 26:37 for a pace of 13.47 which is slower than my average and likely does account for the bird punching.
my favorite thing is when people use half-assed, extremely minimal props in vines but because of the context and the skill of the acting you buy into it 1000%
like if I was even more of a glutton for academic punishment than I am I would go back and do a media studies degree just so I could do a thesis on vines as modern plays and the use of t-shirts thrown over your head to communicate gender
Ok for some god awful reason YouTube recommend this to me.
It’s a surprisingly well edited fan video shipping Jim from Treasure Planet with… I guess both Ariel and her daughter Melody???
The video starts off like it’s Jim x Melody but then the prince cheats on Ariel with Princess Odette from tge Swan Princess???and then he goes to. Brothel made up of Jasmine and Esmeralda and bangs Jessica Rabbit bc she looks like Ariel?????? Then prince Eric murders his wife and child the end.
Ok so let me break this down for you guys.
We begin with our protag, Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet,
arriving on the CGI ship from Frozen to whatever town Ariel and
Prince Eric live in ok whatever.
Good honest Jimmy immediately becomes enthralled by the feminine
wiles of Melody, the 12 year old half mermaid
daughter of Ariel and Eric. Who is 12. Jim is 17.
They have some pleasant chit chat on the beach, as 12 and 17 year
olds tend to do. Then Jim, for some reason, is at the ball (birthday?
saturday night jam session?) for Melody because I guess 12 year olds
have balls in this thriving beach-side society of terrible merpeople
human hybrids. Jim appears smitten, gazing lovingly upon Melody’s
bitchin’ eyebrows. I wish I knew how to fill in my eyebrows that
good.
THIS IS QUICKLY TURNING INTO ROMEO AND JULIET AND I FEEL
UNCOMFORTABLE
Ariel, meanwhile, watches a 17 year old space drifter
flirt-bonding with her prepubescent child with the kind of sweet
nostalgic smile only a woman who has felt the touch of an older man
knows. The viewer appears to be only person in this universe feeling
concerned.
BUT WAIT. Trouble in paradise for Ariel as Jim witnesses Prince
Eric and Princess Odette, the vicious homewrecker, from The Swan
Princess(was that disney? i dont think that was disney?) sharing a
romantic moment in a super public place that isn’t very good for
infidelity you wanna keep under wraps.
Mr. Hawkins breaks the news to Ariel, in a tense sea-side moment
wrought with raw emotion and tension.
In a later scene Ariel joins Jim and Melody on the beach, where
she remembers her days as a hot underage mermaid. Jim apparently now
lusts after Ariel? Or did he not lust after Melody in the beginning
and it was suppose to be like a sister-brother kind of situation that
we where looking too much into? Is he in love with both an older
woman and a younger woman that happen to be mother and daughter? I am
still not resolved.
Ok so Jim definitely is in love with Ariel who turns him down,
despite having watched him lovingly from her window in a prior scene.
Jim has only one option…
Go to a brothel! Where Jasmine and Esmeralda are apparently supplementing their incomes with sex
work. Apparently disgusted by their hip swaying Jim’s attention is
drawn to…Jessica Rabbit. Who also lives in Little Mermaid Town
because why not.
ARIEL’S FUCKING FACE SUPERIMPOSED ON JESSICA RABBIT
In a confrontation with Ariel over her supposed flirting with Jim,
despite documented accounts of Eric’s own infidelity with a
human-bird monster, Eric absolutely loses his shit and
attacks Ariel with a fucking sword.
Then orders what I think is the Russian army from Anastasia to
pistol whip his daughter unconscious. I am not sure if Eric
thinks Melody is the hidden daughter of Ariel and Jim, even though
she looks exactly like Eric, or if he’s just totally insane. It’s
never really explained.
Eric has Ariel and his own daughter locked up in the dungeons,
teaching his daughter that if mommy is a dirty flirt you get the
shackles too I guess. Then suddenly I guess a fire starts and shit
get’s real for Ariel and presumably Melody.
Jim Hawkins bravely rushes to the scene, facing the fires to save
his mother daughter love triangle. Only to find that the flames have
claimed their lives and he is too late. There is no word about Eric
or the world-wide war between magical mermaids and humans he’s
started by murdering the youngest daughter of the literal king of the
sea.
Maybe the real treasure was the mermaid love triangle he found along the way.
callanswall 