Another unsuccessful social interaction.

i-have-rocket-legs:

I pulled an all nighter last night for a test I had this morning, and I was pretty fucking out of it about a half hour before my test. Everything was a little hazy, a little silly, and I was having a torrid time figuring out what was going on around me. On top of everything else, I had a coffee poo coming on, so I stumbled my way towards the men’s restroom in the COB where I was reviewing, a restroom which is located in the same little alcove as an entrance to a computer lab type room. I had temporarily forgotten that there was a lab entrance in that hallway. It was just the poo hallway. To me, if you were going down that hallway with intentions surmounting to anything less than waste relief, you were in the wrong place.

I sensed someone walking a few paces behind me as I neared the door, so I knew that being the gentleman I am, I’d be holding the door. However, I was tired and irritable and I had to poop, so if I was holding a door for anybody, I’d be doing so as begrudgingly and sarcastically as humanly possible. So, I swung open the door, bowed my head a little bit, threw my arms inwards toward the tiled room, and crooned in my sassiest butler voice, “Oh noo, after YOU.”

I looked up and it was a girl.

I had just beckoned a strange girl to enter the men’s restroom with me in the shittiest, most asinine possible manner, and now we both stood dead in our tracks, staring at one another. I had frozen an “I think I just accidentally sexually harassed somebody” looking expression onto my face, and she just looked at me with utter disgust, shock, and a pinch of fear.

And then I farted.

Scout’s honor. It came out like a cat purring at the sound of an electric can opener.

I don’t know how I let it slip out, but I did. I had been holding this bowel movement in for probably a half hour, and having just diverted all my mind’s attention to the situation at hand, my anal death grip must’ve been given some slack. It was a good, full, one second fart.

Before I could say anything, she had all but bolted away. I went and pooped as fast as I could, and removed my glasses and jacket so as to disguise my identity to any security that she may have alerted.

Also I don’t even think I did that good on my test, so today kinda sucked.