iraffiruse:

Don’t worry folks, I speak jive:

For this upcoming year, I plan to shed eighty pounds of weight to be generally more attractive. I already know I am pleasing to the eye and my narcotics merchant does not want me to get sexually assaulted. Unfortunately, I have discharged my beverage onto my computer monitor. At this hour I shall henceforth remove the hair from my genital region and engage in a physical altercation with a prostitute. I must now depart in a similar fashion to that of a spacecraft.